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The Shiki Monthly Kukai

November 2008 Kukai

Here are the results for the November 2008 Kukai, wherein our Kigo subject was "Trees" and our Free Format subject was "Everyday People".

Congratulations to Melissa Spurr and Roberta Beary, winners of our Kigo section and to Gryta Wansdronk and Jan O'Loughlin, winners of our Free Format section!

Those who were given less than three points and who requested anonymity in such a case are so noted.

(214 = 12) would indicate that the poem above received two 3-point votes, one 2-point vote, and four 1-point votes.

Voters comments are in italics below the respective poems.

November 2008 Results
Kigo Theme: Trees	Free Format Theme: Everyday People
First Place – Twenty-five Points lightning an owl in the elm ...not in the elm Melissa Spurr (3,4,8) = 25 Pts Wow! Perfect visual! in the glow of the red maple autumn's end Roberta Beary (2,5,9) = 25 Pts Second Place – Twenty-three Points acorn cap sometimes all I know is emptiness John Thompson (1,4,12) = 23 Pts Appealingly small and sweetly poignant. Third Place – Twenty-one Points wet snow another year weighs on the century oak tom painting (1,5,8) = 21 Pts Fourth Place – Twenty Points pine fence the tiny spider mends a knothole RaV (0,4,12) = 20 Pts This had, for me, that satisfying "of course" feeling... such a natural pairing, spiders and knotholes. Fifth Place – Seventeen Points Hiroshima . . . an autumn gingko blurred by tears Beverley George (2,3,5) = 17 Pts Extremely powerful and full of emotion. abandoned house on the mulberry tree a cicada shell Sheri Files (1,1,12) = 17 Pts I liked how this played with my mind's expectations... I was thinking the house was going to be on a hill or street, so the tree was a nice surprise. Sixth Place – Sixteen Points platano tree — every leaf falling in its own way Tomislav M. (1,3,7) = 16 Pts Seventh Place – Fifteen Points an oak falls — the old man's song goes on Rita Odeh (1,3,6) = 15 Pts Eighth Place – Fourteen Points acorns — the tree my father planted Robert Ertman (1,0,11) = 14 Pts Ninth Place – Thirteen Points hard frost the old oak's branches cage the full moon Catherine J.S. Lee (1,2,6) = 13 Pts This is perfectly executed; great imagery and word choice. days of rain the willow loses its reflection polona (1,1,8) = 13 Pts Tenth Place – Twelve Points Oak grove in the space between daydreams an acorn falls Kilah C. (0,1,10) = 12 Pts Reality will intrude. birdless oak I listen to the song of a winter wind Collin Barber (0,1,10) = 12 Pts I like the "water mind" aspect of this... moving from listening to what used to be there ("should") to what actually IS there. Eleventh Place – Ten Points first snow — silence among the aspens jt (0,2,6) = 10 Pts Twelfth Place – Eight Points all saints only oaks around the tomb Wojciech Wojnar (1,2,1) = 8 Pts all hallows eve the ghost face in half a walnut shell Francine Banwarth (1,1,3) = 8 Pts persistent under the morning frost the smell of pines Dejan Pavlinovic (0,2,4) = 8 Pts autumn wind — between oak branches a lone star Israel Lopez Balan (0,1,6) = 8 Pts Thirteenth Place – Seven Points In our home both the moon and stars... the Christmas Tree Vasile Moldovan (1,2,0) = 7 Pts It happened that my apricot tree to blossom just on your birthday Adina Enachescu (1,2,0) = 7 Pts autumn moon — kneeling under the pine one shadow to another tori inu (0,2,3) = 7 Pts Fourteenth Place – Six Points gentle rain at dusk drips softly from cedar trees missing my father Bridget Cougar (1,1,1) = 6 Pts A lime tree at my window pane... sere leaves Magdalena Dale (0,3,0) = 6 Pts evening star — the last poplar leaves still rustling Isabelle Prondzynski (0,2,2) = 6 Pts snow melt beneath the maple leaf after leaf Susan Constable (0,2,2) = 6 Pts Japanese maple — through brilliant leaves and rain, that black trunk! Shelley Krause (0,2,2) = 6 Pts cold dawn — bare oak limbs reach for the sun Nancy Nitrio (0,1,4) = 6 Pts Fifteenth Place – Five Points standing tall poplars and willows breaking wind carol bleicher (0,2,1) = 5 Pts The juxtaposition of utilitarian function with cultural humor is particularly interesting. What it lacks in subtlety, it regains in imagery. an old man prunes the olive tree’s branches no peace here Meredith Stern Cavalieri (0,2,1) = 5 Pts a haiku on her oak desk autumn leaves Mary Davila (0,2,1) = 5 Pts piano class even an old oak rustles in mazurka rhythm Jacek M. (0,1,3) = 5 Pts Good one - the spirit of the trees catches the vibe! visiting home daddy's memorial oak now shades the house Hazel A. Witherspoon (0,1,3) = 5 Pts Sixteenth Place – Four Points cherry leaves falling on the red currant shrub — the first white frost Miorita (1,0,1) = 4 Pts the widow's oak holding a leaf Christmas evening Dan Schwerin (1,0,1) = 4 Pts weeping willow — even my eyes get moist Katarzyna Predota (0,2,0) = 4 Pts dried oak leaves swirl like ribbons in the wind fedelmia (0,2,0) = 4 Pts A vivid image musically rendered. An example of 'rule breaking' which works excellently well (one sentence rule & don't use 'like'. waving in the wind from the bough the of pine the spiders banner Bill Hudson (0,1,2) = 4 Pts cold north wind the willows bent backwards John Stone (0,1,2) = 4 Pts indian summer — she leads me behind the old bare cottonwood Mike Montreuil (0,1,2) = 4 Pts Missa solemnis. Imagining maple trees in autumn colors. Horst Ludwig (0,1,2) = 4 Pts serenade west wind strums the silver birch Frances McCarthy (0,1,2) = 4 Pts black walnut tree bumper crop of nuts and squirrels deanna tief (0,1,2) = 4 Pts a willow — sprouts in my garden unbidden terrytip (0,0,4) = 4 Pts autumn ginkgo pieces of sunlight flying off in the breeze Audrey Downey (0,0,4) = 4 Pts nightfall in the twisted walnut branches a thin-curved moon Elena (0,0,4) = 4 Pts last light through last leaves old cottonwood Ann K. Schwader (0,0,4) = 4 Pts birds singing on a pepper tree — a hot day Judy Muthengi (0,0,4) = 4 Pts Seventeenth Place – Three Points a cold clear day the yellow leaves spread out from the last maple Bruce Ross (0,1,1)= 3 Pts recess: by the royal empress tree he gets a quick kiss Raquel D. Bailey (0,1,1)= 3 Pts playing peek-a-boo among the banyan roots November moon Josh Wikoff (0,1,1) = 3 Pts years since I've heard those words bittersweet winds up the oak Joyce Clement (0,1,1) = 3 Pts I see you possum — climbing my persimmon tree! I have the ripe fruit. Rose Marie Stutts (0,1,1) = 3 Pts Hunter's Moon — oak leaves lace the gutter aom (tim) (0,1,1) = 3 Pts stained hands — a squirrel feasts under my walnut tree Daniela Bullas (0,0,3) = 3 Pts open field a threadbare oak leans into the wind todd eddy (0,0,3) = 3 Pts burr oak the old horse stays in the shade pestered by flies Edward (0,0,3) = 3 Pts oak sapling its few leaves turned to gold Garry Eaton (0,0,3) = 3 Pts a strip of pink beyond the bare Linden tree — day breaks Marylouise Knight (0,0,3) = 3 Pts little china the sliced bamboo shoots in my clear soup kala ramesh (0,0,3) = 3 Pts Something so satisfyingly simple here... with a nod towards the futility of possession. General Comments: I found that this month's topic seemed rather difficult for many poets to address without getting sentimental or clichιd.	First Place – Twenty-three Points family day — my house too small for their voices Gryta Wansdronk (1,6,8) = 23 Pts crowdedtrainpressedbetweenstrangerswarmbacks Jan O'Loughlin (1,4,12) = 23 Pts Love the breathlessness of this piece. Despite the grammatical ambiguity here in which it is the train which is pressed, I like this one-liner best of the group. Running the words together gives a gut level sense of the commuter jostle and crowding. Ingeniously crafted. I love the visual effect of letters crowdedtogetherononeline! Second Place – Sixteen Points morning mist the milkman's voice from door to door Jacek M. (0,3,10) = 16 Pts I find a cozy feeling in this one; the friendly voice of a traditional home service person without whom children could hardly manage a few years ago, making his rounds in the mist which snuggles him to each house and family in turn. Bravo! This is beautifully done! dusting off his baby picture — the convict's mother John Thompson (0,1,14) = 16 Pts How very sad. Everybody is somebody's baby. Third Place – Fourteen Points the old man watching his cat watch the mouse falls asleep Bill Hudson (2,1,6) = 14 Pts early darkness the warmth of her kiln tom painting (0,4,6) = 14 Pts The kind of heat that draws you in, such a tactile haiku! homeless man the postman delivers a smile Elena Naskova (0,4,6) = 14 Pts Nice play on words in its warm and tidy simplicity. combat medals the times he never talks about Catherine J.S. Lee (0,4,6) = 14 Pts turning cold an old man asks what day it is Bill Kenney (0,4,6) = 14 Pts It takes a change of season to draw his attention back to the world, I'm left wondering what his story is. homeless guy the santa hat finally in season Roberta Beary (0,2,10) = 14 Pts Sadly believable. I love someone like this, not a homeless person but my daughter who is all about Christmas all year long. Fourth Place – Eleven Points some passengers go some passengers come — autumn wind Israel Lopez Balan (1,1,6) = 11 Pts The wind swirls people like Mary Poppins or leaves. A sense of oneness in the passage of time. new father the gentle darkness of his stubbled face Frances McCarthy (0,2,7) = 11 Pts This one is so sweet. Fifth Place – Ten Points bank machine expectant mother waits her turn Harvey Jenkins (1,1,5) = 10 Pts snow drift a hitchhiker points his thumb to the south Melissa Spurr (0,0,10) = 10 Pts Sixth Place – Nine Points before the sun even before the rooster a farmer's wife wakes todd eddy (1,2,2) = 9 Pts an evening walk — in the empty beauty shop laughing hairdressers D.V. Rozic (1,2,2) = 9 Pts tidewater trickling through stones a child's laughter Josh Wikoff (1,1,4) = 9 Pts election day — a crossing guard waves me on with his STOP sign Neil Moylan (1,0,6) = 9 Pts dawn light — voices of the street sweepers gillena (0,2,5) = 9 Pts Seventh Place – Eight Points fallen leaves — she sits alone in bankruptcy court jt (0,2,4) = 8 Pts stranger's greeting on the mountain path melting snow Dorota Pyra (0,1,6) = 8 Pts I really like the pivot here; I love to imagine that the warmth of the greeting might have caused the snow to melt. Nicely done. Nice multi-layered capturing of the sweetness of thaw. Eighth Place – Seven Points below zero the beggar, still on his knees oga (0,3,1) = 7 Pts street vendor his shoes the color of sky Francine Banwarth (0,3,1) = 7 Pts Simple words, plainly stated, giving us a glimpse of the skill and pride someone takes in their work, an honorable life. clear sky the window washer watching us watching him ed markowski (0,1,5) = 7 Pts binding me and fellow commuter — a silent nod Vaidya Narayanan (0,1,5) = 7 Pts park bench the vagrant's whole house in one plastic bag RaV (0,1,5) = 7 Pts Ninth Place – Six Points the flustered cashier sighs "om mani padme hum" morning commute Jeff Hanson (0,2,2) = 6 Pts friendly gardener the estate's watchdogs become bilingual Edward (0,1,4) = 6 Pts I'm a sucker for dogs who actually listen more to tone than words. the scarf she never finished brown pine needles Deborah P Kolodji (0,1,4) = 6 Pts Oregon rain the roof drips the roofer too Barbara Snow (0,1,4) = 6 Pts I liked the sound of this one, and the somewhat surprising appearance of the roofer. Tenth Place – Five Points crowded lorry a child counting one soldier ..two three Rita Odeh (0,2,1) = 5 Pts she can hardly walk in her string bag a can of cat food miriam chaikin (0,1,3) = 5 Pts solstice I ask the whore for directions Earl Keener (0,0,5) = 5 Pts Ha! There's an amusing subtext here. I love the intentional ambiguity! Eleventh Place – Four Points on her knees planting pansies — old jack-o-lantern watches Terri L. French (1,0,1) = 4 Pts in the bathroom preparing to shave — she is everywhere tori inu (0,2,0) = 4 Pts Satisfyingly tight. Fired today — steering wheel scorches his hand as he exits the lot Janice Hornburg (0,2,0) = 4 Pts The richness autumn: in the grandma's quince tree more leaves than fruits Constantin Stroe (0,2,0) = 4 Pts summer twilight the roadside palmist looks at the sun Narayanan Raghunathan (0,0,4) = 4 Pts Twelfth Place – Three Points kaleidoscope: chlorophyll and melanin changing colors Daniela Bullas (1,0,0) = 3 Pts in the garden of ordinary people a dandelion smiles like a child selwyn (1,0,0) = 3 Pts after mass a char brushes the dust from her knees Lech Szeglowski (0,1,1) = 3 Pts a florist around her still spring Iga (0,1,1) = 3 pts frosty night the paperboy on his rounds sips hot chocolate John Daleiden (0,1,1) = 3 Pts corner boys with warmer hoodies night falling Beth Powell (0,1,1) = 3 Pts autumn dawn the stockbroker shuts his drapes Pαll Ingi Kvaran (0,1,1) = 3 Pts busy cafι the cook chops beefsteak from the menu Susan Constable (0,1,1) = 3 Pts autumn light — on the back of grandma’s hand the tree of life Nancy Smith (0,1,1) = 3 Pts Thanksgiving Day... the beggar's hat filled with guilty conscience Dejan Pavlinovic (0,1,1) = 3 Pts foreign country the florist and I planting gestures kala ramesh (0,0,3) = 3 Pts I can relate to that and like the humor here. white night — a drunk vagabond drifts into church Isabelle Prondzynski (0,0,3) = 3 Pts good morning! a flash of gold from the grocer's smile Tanya Dikova (0,0,3) = 3 Pts A flash of recognition, a familiar face, or someone just open to strangers...it's an easy way to make the world around us a better place to live. General Comments: I found many of these haiku touching - they brought such varied happenings, some I haven't experienced but they came across vividly. A tapestry of images of ordinary life expressed in ways that ring true. If that sounds too emotional, it's because that's how I felt each time I read through them. Senryu is difficult and a number of entries came off as didactic and clichιd, my own included although I didn't think so at the time.

Thank you all for participating in the November 2008 Shiki Monthly Kukai.

We will be posting the December Call for Submissions on or about Monday, December 1st. See you then!

With much appreciation,

Robert Bauer, Secretary
Gary Warner, Web Host

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