The Shiki Monthly Kukai May 2008 Kukai Dear Haiku Friends, Here are the results for the May 2008 Kukai, wherein our Kigo subject was "Lily" and our Free Format word or phrase was "Musical Instrument". Congratulations to Collin Barber, winner of our Kigo section and to Gosia Zamorska, winner of our Free Format section! The haiku are listed in order of total points received from voters. The numbers reflect the number of voters who gave the haiku either three points, two points, or one point -- followed by the total points for all votes. Those who were given less than three points and who requested anonymity in such a case are so noted. In the listing below, after each poem the author is listed, and then a three digit code revealing how many 3-point, 2-point, and 1-point points were cast for this poem by the other participating poets. (214 = 12) would indicate that the poem above received two 3-point votes, one 2-point vote, and four 1-point votes. Voters comments are in italics below the respective poems. May 2008 Results Kigo Theme: Lily Free Format Theme: Musical Instrument First Place – Thirty Points heat wave a child waters the fire lily Collin Barber (1,6,15) = 30 Pts Love the simplicity of this, with its similarities and contrasts . . . plus the delight of finding a child in the midst of it all. Second Place – Twenty-five Points moon in the lilies she asks me to stay the night Francine Banwarth (3,4,8) = 25 Pts With the moon in (not "on") the lilies, an invitation no one could reject. Third place – Twenty-four Points ikebana just a lily and a lily max verhart (2,6,6) = 24 Pts As elegant as the thing it describes: the spirit of ikebana. Fourth Place – Eighteen Points between me and my dark reflection ...a lily Melissa Spurr (1,4,7) = 18 Pts There is wabi/sabi here in the beauty of the lily, though passing, like the saint, leaves behind an odor of sanctity. Fifth Place – Sixteen Points spring moon — the silence of lilies on the night table Israel Lopez Balan (0,3,10) = 16 Pts Sixth Place – Fifteen Points finishing breakfast — the lily on the table loses a petal Paul O. Williams (0,4,7) = 15 Pts church graveyard — from nowhere at all the fragrance of lily Gautam Nadkarni (0,5,5) = 15 Pts As good haiku should do, this captures a moment in time. Seventh Place – Fourteen Points full milk moon — the curve of a calla lily Devika (1,3,5) = 14 Pts Beautifully sensual, reminding of a woman's breast and that with a spiritual component. Excellent. The curve and color of the moon and lily serve as lovely juxtapositions. Very sensual. midsummer the scent of lily outlasts the day tom painting (0.2.10) = 14 Pts The way the sounds of line 2 are recapitulated in line 3, especially the concentration of sounds in "outlasts." Eighth Place – Thirteen Points around his tombstone Lilies of the Valley and a Bleeding Heart gourdman (2,1,5) = 13 Pts I like the double meaning here. stargazing the scent of lilies on a moonless night Linda Papanicolaou (0,3,7) = 13 Pts Ninth Place – Eleven Points a toy boat lost among water lilies dragonflies John Daleiden (0,1,9) = 11 Pts the lilies he despised now on his grave Marlθne Buitelaar (0,2,7) = 11 Pts This shows how a haiku can be bigger than the moment; a lot is implied about the history between the mourner and departed. Tenth Place – Ten Points almost dusk ... a white lily brightens the porch Carol Raisfeld (1,0,7) = 10 Pts Pond mirror: the moon lies near a water lily Magdalena Dale (1,0,7) = 10 Pts picking lilies — her freckles darken in the sunlight Susan Constable (1,3,1) = 10 Pts Eleventh Place – Nine Points moving day — last of her lilies on the tip of his nose Lin Geary (1,2,2) = 9 Pts Twelfth Place – Eighth Points damaged the dragonfly chooses a water lily coffin Carmel Lively Westerman (0,2,4) = 8 Pts dawn chill — a desert lily sways on the breeze Darrell Byrd (1,2,1) = 8 Pts darkening sky — the painter deepens the blue of water-lily Dorota Pyra (0,2,4) = 8 Pts reflected light among water lilies a sinking coin Jerzy Malysz (0,2,4) = 8 Pts cool sunset the lily darkens Jon Baldwin (1,2,1) = 8 Pts Cool, indeed. hot afternoon — hummingbirds fan the firecracker lilies Nancy Nitrio (0,1,6) = 8 Pts Thirteenth Place – Seven Points into the lily sunlight out of the lily an ant w. f. owen (1,1,2) = 7 Pts A pleasant twist on Nick Virgilio's famous haiku, however this seems almost like alchemy with the lily as alchemist converting sunlight into perhaps a red ant. calla lilies — a young bride changes out of her dress DeVar (0,2,3) = 7 Pts fresh lilies at the funeral service and grandpa so still Glen Keener (0,2,3) = 7 Pts holding up beauty with all its fingers lily in the pond john tiong chunghoo (1,1,2) = 7 Pts mothers day — bringing lilies to her grave Judith Gorgone (0,0,7) = 7 Pts on the white lily, blue butterfly missing a wing Sean Perkins (1,0,4) = 7 Pts even in deep woods the sun angles its way in — trout lilies Shelley Krause (0,3,1) = 7 Pts lily not quite where the silt turns silver Sue Stanford (1,0,4) = 7 Pts spring garden — stray kittens nestle beneath a tiger lily Tristan Coleridge (0,1,5) = 7 Pts Fourteenth Place – Six Points bending slightly to the sun the lily Bill Hudson (0,2,2) = 6 Pts Excellent example of simplicity of language and a subtle image, we are not told what to think or feel. This morning all the garden is white ... lilies in bloom Don Basilio (0,2,2) = 6 Pts stargazers tonight the scent of him Jennifer Corpe (0,2,2) = 6 Pts pajama party — some unopened buds on the cluster lily Laurene (1,0,3) = 6 Pts Small green frog white water lily one less fly. Trevor Camp (1,0,3) = 6 Pts Fifteenth – Five Points spring sun warms the old barn wall still, the daylilies wait April Serock (0,2,1) = 5 Pts another Easter one more lily pot enters her perennial garden Audrey Downey (0,1,3) = 5 Pts tiger lilies guarding the old homestead Beth Powell (0,0,5) = 5 Pts earth star a water lily in moonlight Frances McCarthy (0,0,5) = 5 Pts pressed tiger lily my diary records our first kiss Harvey Jenkins (0,1,3) = 5 Pts down the valley a lonely traveler bound for a lily Keith Simmonds (0,2,1) = 5 Pts lilies blossoming — a leashless dog smells some dung Lech Szeglowski (0,1,3) = 5 Pts sunrise . . . the water-lily's breakfast Mary Davila (1,0,2) = 5 Pts starry night — the garden is lighted by the white lily miorita (0,1,3) = 5 Pts koi pond — a water lily brooding over shadows Nancy Smith (0,1,3) = 5 Pts The use of 'brooding' is so very nice . . . allows me to feel the atmosphere as well as see the image. around the lily rain drops pound the hissing pond Neil Muscott (0,1,3) = 5 Pts pink lilies outside the grocery — she pauses Ruth Powell (0,0,5) = 5 Pts Sixteenth Place – Four Points steeple bells lilies-of-the-valley nod in the fresh breeze Catherine J.S. Lee (0,1,2) = 4 Pts Beautiful shasei, observation of what is and a fine seasonal picture. heated argument — their peace lily wilts Leslie Montgomery (0,0,4) = 4 Pts lily pad frog's diving board splash! Meredith Stern Cavalieri (0,2,0) = 4 Pts lilies in bloom without her this year — misty morning Pris Campbell (0,0,4) = 4 Pts dawn shower — the calla lily unfolds her petal Rita Odeh (0,0,4) = 4 Pts lily pads this year the pond so green sakyu (1,0,1) = 4 Pts quiet garden sipping a glass of wine amaryllis blooms terrytip (0,1,2) = 4 Pts Seventeenth Place – Three Points lily blooms~ in the eyes of the newborn Apurva (0,0,3) = 3 Pts the lovers' garden a lily pad floats on a cloud Bill Kenney (0,0,3) = 3 Pts fishing opener beside the trout lily an empty creel Edward (0,1,1) = 3 Pts a life long fight against dangerous stamens — beautiful lily emile molhuysen ((0,1,1) = 3 Pts midsummer — hot even among of snow-white lilies Jacek M. (0,0,3) = 3 Pts Stargazer lilies For Mother's Day He doesn't call meg (0,1,1) = 3 Pts sunday stroll the lilies of the valley revisited og_a (0,1,1) = 3 Pts lily pond the frog's eyes bob up among the pads RaV (0,0,3) = 3 Pts teardroplets of a Tale Fairy — lilies-of-the-valley Vasile Moldovan (0,0,3) = 3 Pts First Place – Forty-two Points old piano — from every key the same silence Gosia Zamorska (3,8,17) = 42 Pts How many families have that piano that doesn't get played? Second Place – Thirty-seven Points harp song rain crosses a pond Sherry Weaver Smith (3,8,12) = 37 Pts Third Place – Twenty-six Points evening a mockingbird returns the song of my flute Rose Marie Stutts (2,6,8) = 26 Pts Fourth Place – Eighteen Points falling star the plink of a piano key ed markowski (0,4,10) = 18 Pts Caught in a plink! Another beautiful and simple expression of words. Fifth Place – Seventeen Points yellow moon the banjo lifted out of its case Beth Powell (3,2,4) = 17 Pts The use of the word yellow implies a lot: summer nights, the age of the banjo, the moon like shape of the banjo. The color of the moon immediately transfers, for me, to the color of the banjo . . . and the similarity in shape reinforces the image. Soon, the beauty of the moon will also be found in the sounds from the banjo. Sixth Place – Sixteen Points child's piano the cluttered notes of our applause Collin Barber (1,1,11) = 16 Pts I would take "of" out of last line leaving the reader to group the lines more freely if "the cluttered notes" can partner with either the child's playing OR the applause. Just a few words, simply stated, that say so much. I see a young child, perhaps at his/her first piano recital. 'Cluttered' feels perfect . . . no one's really enthusiastic about the quality of the playing, but tries to encourage the child by clapping. Seventh Place – Fifteen Points gypsy guitar the wind awakens Elena Naskova (1,2,8) = 15 Pts Eighth Place – Fourteen Points dusting the church organ she hums a show tune Neil Muscott (1,0,11) = 14 Pts flute song a poster of dolphins drifts through the subway ARW (2,1,6) = 14 Pts Superbly crafted, as lines 1 and 2 are fused in the "drifts" of line 3. As a subway rider, I find this especially meaningful and especially beautiful. To the poet: Yes, I know what you mean. Ninth Place – Eleven Points midsummer night a jazzman's trumpet aims at the stars Bill Kenney (0,1,9) = 11 Pts first piano lesson — dandelion seeds float by the window Devika (1,0,8) = 11 Pts Oh, those first few note! They're weak and hesitant, floating through the air like dandelion fluff. One hopes that they'll blow away and not settle too close to home. new tune on the piano the whiteness of her ring finger Katrina Shepherd (0,2,7) = 11 Pts I loved the Aha in this. New tune indeed! quiet evening the cat's unhurried stroll down the piano keys RaV (1,2,4) = 11 Pts Very good in its simplicity and naturalism, though I'd might omit that second 'the' in L3. Tenth Place – Ten Points soft rain . . . everything he knows about the piano Francine Banwarth (0,1,8) = 10 Pts A bit mysterious, as this kind of knowledge has to be. grandpa's attic a spider crawls out of his saxophone Susan Constable (0,0,10) = 10 Pts Eleventh Place – Nine Points song of birds — a street musician tunes his guitar Israel Lopez Balan (0,2,5) = 9 Pts first warm day missed notes at the piano w. f. owen (0,3,3) = 9 Pts I liked this one for its multiple interpretations (e.g., no notes/wrong notes/nostalgia for notes/day missed). Twelfth Place – Eighth Points moving day I help the evicted renter take out his drums andrea (0,1,6) = 8 Pts Good example of a senryu. Oh, yes, poor drummer. the row of ants stopping suddenly ... vesper bell Don Basilio (0,1,6) = 8 Pts A flute mourns The moon James Sawers (1,1,3) = 8 Pts flute warm up — the tender touch of her lips Rita Odeh (1,1,3) = 8 Pts The double suggestion here is very sexy. guitar duet my little green parakeet chirps the last note teri (0,2,4) = 8 Pts One less adjective in the second line. Thirteenth Place – Seven Points Arlington trumpet        the flag           sort of blurry Barbara Snow (2,0,1) = 7 Pts Excellent in every way. I love the way the line spacing suggests a windblown banner and 'blurry' suggests tears while the colloquial ‘sort of' saves it from sentimentality. Doubtless it's the more meaningful to me because my father's buried there along with so many others of this country's fallen. Fourteenth Place – Six Points oboe solo — wishing I had stuck with baseball Bill Pauly (0,2,2) = 6 Pts her first solo concert wooden spoon on pot Bill Hudson (0,1,4) = 6 Pts piano practice . . . from the playground sandlot crack of the bat Ellen Compton (0,0,6) = 6 Pts Fifteenth Place – Five Points the guitar at the same corner the day he left Audrey Downey (0,1,3) = 5 Pts evening bath — steaming in the soft strums of the koto isabelle prondzynski (0,2,1) = 5 Pts beach bongos . . . the scent of patchouli at sundown Jennifer Corpe (1,0,2) = 5 Pts Scent of lime and this resonance of violin strings still of night Magdalena Dale (1,1,0) = 5 Pts summer camp muffled giggles after taps Meredith Stern Cavalieri (0,1,3) = 5 Pts the cat stretching across the piano keys moonlight sonata Sjs (0.0.5) = 5 Pts Line 3 made me grin like a Cheshire cat! climbing the walls of Canyon de Chelly flute music tom painting (1,0,2) = 5 Pts Sixteenth Place – Four Points first band class the smallest student chooses a sousaphone Carmel Lively Westerman (0,0,4) = 4 Pts a cello's voice in the autumn dusk aged brandy Catherine J.S. Lee (0,0,4) = 4 Pts rhythm of taiko the beat of my own being echoes to my soul Deirdre Godwin (0,2,0) = 4 Pts waxing moon carried by the wind the sound of drums Ella Wagemakers (0,1,2) = 4 Pts a saxophone croons through the open window... your slow caress Melissa Spurr (0,0,4) = 4 Pts Mmm. Deliciously sensual. starry night — simulating rain at the piano miorita (0,0,4) = 4 Pts I can hear that piano, and take it to suggest that the writer's mood is more of sadness than the hope stars represent. the sound of nature wind blowing through bamboos shakahachi zen Mr PC (0,2,0) = 4 Pts on the porch, trying to persuade his trumpet og_a (0,0,4) = 4 Pts Seventeenth Place – Three Points interlude we tap a duet on wine glasses Allison Millcock (0,0,3) = 3 Pts bugle call . . . a final farewell echoes into the mist Carol Raisfeld (0,1,1) = 3 Pts levee break — Bad River's harmonica moans the blues Edward (0,1,1) = 3 Pts Very real! I can almost smell NOLA. lightning in the window jangle of guitar Jacek M. (0,0,3) = 3 Pts dark clouds over the front range — distant drumming Jeff Hanson (0,1,1) = 3 Pts Vision and sound blended in perfect harmony. when Johnny comes home again — the beat of the drum jill (0,1,1) = 3 Pts morning sunlight through the mangoes a ukulele Josh Wikoff (0,0,3) = 3 Pts wife's labor pains — across the room his cello groans Leslie Montgomery (0,0,3) = 3 Pts estate dispersal: my brother picks Dad's guitar and we try to laugh LGD (0,1,1) = 3 Pts old age home — a rusted harmonica litters the lawn Mary Davila (0,0,3) = 3 Pts the rat climbs out of his cage ukulele tune Myron Lysenko (0,1,1) = 3 Pts round tuba tones, nearly as round as the player Paul O. Williams (0,0,3) = 3 Pts waning moon — a harmonica glints through the smoke haze Ron Moss (0,1,1) = 3 Pts This is lovely. I can vividly see the glint and hear that harmonica wailing through the campfire smoke. bassoon lessons — young geese call to each other, running on the lake Shelley Krause (0,0,3) = 3 Pts Hermitage in mountains... ring of bells filling up the valley Vasile Moldovan (0,1,1) = 3 Pts General Comments: I liked this free format topic a lot. It was very relaxing to read the haiku and 'listen' to them at the same time. This time it was very difficult choice - so many good poems! #128 and 136 were excellent, except that as I understood the rules, a specific musical instrument had to be there. "Taps" may imply a bugle or drum, but I think it has to be mentioned. In 128 a piano piece and the pianist are mentioned, but not the piano. 128. Les Adieux... the pianist fixing eyes on nothing 136. not a specific instrument; have to check the rules- I read it as the bugle has to be mentioned. summer camp muffled giggles after taps Many beautiful entries, but not enough points to go around! Thank you all for participating in the May 2008 Shiki Monthly Kukai. We will open the June 2008 Kukai to submissions on or about Monday, June 2nd. With much appreciation, Robert Bauer, Secretary Gary Warner, Web Host Participate in the Shiki Monthly Kukai by choosing a link below How it Works Most Recent Results Current Kukai Topics Kukai Archives An explanation of how the kukai functions. The results of our most recent month! Click here to learn about THIS month's kukai. Previous month's results.