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The Shiki Monthly Kukai

May 2008 Kukai

Dear Haiku Friends,

Here are the results for the May 2008 Kukai, wherein our Kigo subject was "Lily" and our Free Format word or phrase was "Musical Instrument".

Congratulations to Collin Barber, winner of our Kigo section and to Gosia Zamorska, winner of our Free Format section!

The haiku are listed in order of total points received from voters. The numbers reflect the number of voters who gave the haiku either three points, two points, or one point -- followed by the total points for all votes.

Those who were given less than three points and who requested anonymity in such a case are so noted.

In the listing below, after each poem the author is listed, and then a three digit code revealing how many 3-point, 2-point, and 1-point points were cast for this poem by the other participating poets.

(214 = 12) would indicate that the poem above received two 3-point votes, one 2-point vote, and four 1-point votes.

Voters comments are in italics below the respective poems.

May 2008 Results
Kigo Theme:
Free Format Theme:
Musical Instrument

First Place – Thirty Points
heat wave
a child waters
the fire lily

Collin Barber
(1,6,15) = 30 Pts

Love the simplicity of this, with its similarities and contrasts . . . plus the delight of finding a child in the midst of it all.

Second Place – Twenty-five Points
moon in the lilies
she asks me
to stay the night

Francine Banwarth
(3,4,8) = 25 Pts

With the moon in (not "on") the lilies, an invitation no one could reject.

Third place – Twenty-four Points
just a lily
and a lily

max verhart
(2,6,6) = 24 Pts

As elegant as the thing it describes: the spirit of ikebana.

Fourth Place – Eighteen Points
between me
and my dark reflection
...a lily

Melissa Spurr
(1,4,7) = 18 Pts

There is wabi/sabi here in the beauty of the lily, though passing, like the saint, leaves behind an odor of sanctity.

Fifth Place – Sixteen Points
spring moon —
the silence of lilies
on the night table

Israel Lopez Balan
(0,3,10) = 16 Pts

Sixth Place – Fifteen Points
finishing breakfast —
the lily on the table
loses a petal

Paul O. Williams
(0,4,7) = 15 Pts

church graveyard —
from nowhere at all
the fragrance of lily

Gautam Nadkarni
(0,5,5) = 15 Pts

As good haiku should do, this captures a moment in time.

Seventh Place – Fourteen Points
full milk moon
— the curve
of a calla lily

(1,3,5) = 14 Pts

Beautifully sensual, reminding of a woman's breast and that with a spiritual component. Excellent.

The curve and color of the moon and lily serve as lovely juxtapositions. Very sensual.

the scent of lily
outlasts the day

tom painting
(0.2.10) = 14 Pts

The way the sounds of line 2 are recapitulated in line 3, especially the concentration of sounds in "outlasts."

Eighth Place – Thirteen Points
around his tombstone
Lilies of the Valley
and a Bleeding Heart

(2,1,5) = 13 Pts

I like the double meaning here.

the scent of lilies
on a moonless night

Linda Papanicolaou
(0,3,7) = 13 Pts

Ninth Place – Eleven Points
a toy boat
lost among water lilies

John Daleiden
(0,1,9) = 11 Pts

the lilies
he despised
now on his grave

Marlθne Buitelaar
(0,2,7) = 11 Pts

This shows how a haiku can be bigger than the moment; a lot is implied about the history between the mourner and departed.

Tenth Place – Ten Points
almost dusk ...
a white lily
brightens the porch

Carol Raisfeld
(1,0,7) = 10 Pts

Pond mirror:
the moon lies near
a water lily

Magdalena Dale
(1,0,7) = 10 Pts

picking lilies —
her freckles darken
in the sunlight

Susan Constable
(1,3,1) = 10 Pts

Eleventh Place – Nine Points
moving day —
last of her lilies
on the tip of his nose

Lin Geary
(1,2,2) = 9 Pts

Twelfth Place – Eighth Points
the dragonfly chooses
a water lily coffin

Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

dawn chill —
a desert lily sways
on the breeze

Darrell Byrd
(1,2,1) = 8 Pts

darkening sky —
the painter deepens the blue
of water-lily

Dorota Pyra
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

reflected light
among water lilies
a sinking coin

Jerzy Malysz
(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

cool sunset
the lily

Jon Baldwin
(1,2,1) = 8 Pts

Cool, indeed.

hot afternoon —
hummingbirds fan
the firecracker lilies

Nancy Nitrio
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
into the lily sunlight
out of the lily an ant

w. f. owen (1,1,2) = 7 Pts

A pleasant twist on Nick Virgilio's famous haiku, however this seems almost like alchemy with the lily as alchemist converting sunlight into perhaps a red ant.

calla lilies —
a young bride changes
out of her dress

(0,2,3) = 7 Pts

fresh lilies
at the funeral service
and grandpa so still

Glen Keener
(0,2,3) = 7 Pts

holding up beauty
with all its fingers
lily in the pond

john tiong chunghoo
(1,1,2) = 7 Pts

mothers day —
bringing lilies
to her grave

Judith Gorgone
(0,0,7) = 7 Pts

on the white lily,
blue butterfly
missing a wing

Sean Perkins
(1,0,4) = 7 Pts

even in deep woods
the sun angles its way in —
trout lilies

Shelley Krause
(0,3,1) = 7 Pts

not quite where the silt
turns silver

Sue Stanford
(1,0,4) = 7 Pts

spring garden —
stray kittens nestle
beneath a tiger lily

Tristan Coleridge
(0,1,5) = 7 Pts

Fourteenth Place – Six Points
bending slightly
to the sun
the lily

Bill Hudson
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

Excellent example of simplicity of language and a subtle image, we are not told what to think or feel.

This morning
all the garden is white ...
lilies in bloom

Don Basilio
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

stargazers tonight the scent of him

Jennifer Corpe
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

pajama party —
some unopened buds
on the cluster lily

(1,0,3) = 6 Pts

Small green frog
white water lily
one less fly.

Trevor Camp
(1,0,3) = 6 Pts

Fifteenth – Five Points
spring sun
warms the old barn wall
still, the daylilies wait

April Serock
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

another Easter
one more lily pot enters
her perennial garden

Audrey Downey
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

tiger lilies
the old homestead

Beth Powell
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

earth star
a water lily
in moonlight

Frances McCarthy
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

pressed tiger lily
my diary records
our first kiss

Harvey Jenkins
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

down the valley
a lonely traveler
bound for a lily

Keith Simmonds
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

lilies blossoming —
a leashless dog smells
some dung

Lech Szeglowski
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

sunrise . . .
the water-lily's

Mary Davila
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts

starry night —
the garden is lighted
by the white lily

(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

koi pond —
a water lily brooding
over shadows

Nancy Smith
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

The use of 'brooding' is so very nice . . . allows me to feel the atmosphere as well as see the image.

around the lily
rain drops pound
the hissing pond

Neil Muscott
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

pink lilies
outside the grocery —
she pauses

Ruth Powell
(0,0,5) = 5 Pts

Sixteenth Place – Four Points
steeple bells
lilies-of-the-valley nod
in the fresh breeze

Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

Beautiful shasei, observation of what is and a fine seasonal picture.

heated argument —
their peace lily

Leslie Montgomery
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

lily pad
frog's diving board

Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

lilies in bloom
without her this year —
misty morning

Pris Campbell
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

dawn shower —
the calla lily unfolds
her petal

Rita Odeh
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

lily pads
this year the pond
so green

(1,0,1) = 4 Pts

quiet garden
sipping a glass of wine
amaryllis blooms

(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

Seventeenth Place – Three Points
lily blooms~
in the eyes
of the newborn

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

the lovers' garden
a lily pad floats
on a cloud

Bill Kenney
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

fishing opener
beside the trout lily
an empty creel

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

a life long fight
against dangerous stamens —
beautiful lily

emile molhuysen
((0,1,1) = 3 Pts

midsummer —
hot even among
of snow-white lilies

Jacek M.
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

Stargazer lilies
For Mother's Day
He doesn't call

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

sunday stroll
the lilies of the valley

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

lily pond
the frog's eyes bob up
among the pads

(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

of a Tale Fairy —

Vasile Moldovan
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

First Place – Forty-two Points
old piano —
from every key
the same silence

Gosia Zamorska
(3,8,17) = 42 Pts

How many families have that piano that doesn't get played?

Second Place – Thirty-seven Points
harp song
rain crosses
a pond

Sherry Weaver Smith
(3,8,12) = 37 Pts

Third Place – Twenty-six Points
a mockingbird returns
the song of my flute

Rose Marie Stutts
(2,6,8) = 26 Pts

Fourth Place – Eighteen Points
falling star
the plink
of a piano key

ed markowski
(0,4,10) = 18 Pts

Caught in a plink!

Another beautiful and simple expression of words.

Fifth Place – Seventeen Points
yellow moon
the banjo
lifted out of its case

Beth Powell
(3,2,4) = 17 Pts

The use of the word yellow implies a lot: summer nights, the age of the banjo, the moon like shape of the banjo.

The color of the moon immediately transfers, for me, to the color of the banjo . . . and the similarity in shape reinforces the image. Soon, the beauty of the moon will also be found in the sounds from the banjo.

Sixth Place – Sixteen Points
child's piano
the cluttered notes
of our applause

Collin Barber
(1,1,11) = 16 Pts

I would take "of" out of last line leaving the reader to group the lines more freely if "the cluttered notes" can partner with either the child's playing OR the applause.

Just a few words, simply stated, that say so much. I see a young child, perhaps at his/her first piano recital. 'Cluttered' feels perfect . . . no one's really enthusiastic about the quality of the playing, but tries to encourage the child by clapping.

Seventh Place – Fifteen Points
gypsy guitar
the wind

Elena Naskova
(1,2,8) = 15 Pts

Eighth Place – Fourteen Points
the church organ
she hums a show tune

Neil Muscott
(1,0,11) = 14 Pts

flute song
a poster of dolphins
drifts through the subway

(2,1,6) = 14 Pts

Superbly crafted, as lines 1 and 2 are fused in the "drifts" of line 3. As a subway rider, I find this especially meaningful and especially beautiful. To the poet: Yes, I know what you mean.

Ninth Place – Eleven Points
midsummer night
a jazzman's trumpet
aims at the stars

Bill Kenney
(0,1,9) = 11 Pts

first piano lesson —
dandelion seeds float
by the window

(1,0,8) = 11 Pts

Oh, those first few note! They're weak and hesitant, floating through the air like dandelion fluff. One hopes that they'll blow away and not settle too close to home.

new tune on the piano
the whiteness
of her ring finger

Katrina Shepherd
(0,2,7) = 11 Pts

I loved the Aha in this. New tune indeed!

quiet evening
the cat's unhurried stroll
down the piano keys

(1,2,4) = 11 Pts

Very good in its simplicity and naturalism, though I'd might omit that second 'the' in L3.

Tenth Place – Ten Points
soft rain . . .
everything he knows
about the piano

Francine Banwarth
(0,1,8) = 10 Pts

A bit mysterious, as this kind of knowledge has to be.

grandpa's attic
a spider crawls out
of his saxophone

Susan Constable
(0,0,10) = 10 Pts

Eleventh Place – Nine Points
song of birds —
a street musician
tunes his guitar

Israel Lopez Balan
(0,2,5) = 9 Pts

first warm day missed notes at the piano

w. f. owen
(0,3,3) = 9 Pts

I liked this one for its multiple interpretations (e.g., no notes/wrong notes/nostalgia for notes/day missed).

Twelfth Place – Eighth Points
moving day
I help the evicted renter
take out his drums

(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

Good example of a senryu.

Oh, yes, poor drummer.

the row of ants
stopping suddenly ...
vesper bell

Don Basilio
(0,1,6) = 8 Pts

A flute
The moon

James Sawers
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts

flute warm up —
the tender touch
of her lips

Rita Odeh
(1,1,3) = 8 Pts

The double suggestion here is very sexy.

guitar duet
my little green parakeet
chirps the last note

(0,2,4) = 8 Pts

One less adjective in the second line.

Thirteenth Place – Seven Points
Arlington trumpet
       the flag
          sort of blurry

Barbara Snow
(2,0,1) = 7 Pts

Excellent in every way. I love the way the line spacing suggests a windblown banner and 'blurry' suggests tears while the colloquial ‘sort of' saves it from sentimentality. Doubtless it's the more meaningful to me because my father's buried there along with so many others of this country's fallen.

Fourteenth Place – Six Points
oboe solo —
wishing I had stuck
with baseball

Bill Pauly
(0,2,2) = 6 Pts

her first
solo concert
wooden spoon on pot

Bill Hudson
(0,1,4) = 6 Pts

piano practice . . .
from the playground sandlot
crack of the bat

Ellen Compton
(0,0,6) = 6 Pts

Fifteenth Place – Five Points
the guitar
at the same corner
the day he left

Audrey Downey
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

evening bath —
steaming in the soft strums
of the koto

isabelle prondzynski
(0,2,1) = 5 Pts

beach bongos . . .
the scent of patchouli
at sundown

Jennifer Corpe
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts

Scent of lime and
this resonance of violin strings…
still of night

Magdalena Dale
(1,1,0) = 5 Pts

summer camp
muffled giggles
after taps

Meredith Stern Cavalieri
(0,1,3) = 5 Pts

the cat stretching
across the piano keys
moonlight sonata

(0.0.5) = 5 Pts

Line 3 made me grin like a Cheshire cat!

climbing the walls
of Canyon de Chelly
flute music

tom painting
(1,0,2) = 5 Pts

Sixteenth Place – Four Points
first band class
the smallest student
chooses a sousaphone

Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

a cello's voice
in the autumn dusk
aged brandy

Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

rhythm of taiko
the beat of my own being
echoes to my soul

Deirdre Godwin
(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

waxing moon
carried by the wind
the sound of drums

Ella Wagemakers
(0,1,2) = 4 Pts

a saxophone croons
through the open window...
your slow caress

Melissa Spurr
(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

Mmm. Deliciously sensual.

starry night —
simulating rain
at the piano

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

I can hear that piano, and take it to suggest that the writer's mood is more of sadness than the hope stars represent.

the sound of nature
wind blowing through bamboos
shakahachi zen

(0,2,0) = 4 Pts

on the porch,
trying to persuade
his trumpet

(0,0,4) = 4 Pts

Seventeenth Place – Three Points
we tap a duet
on wine glasses

Allison Millcock
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

bugle call . . .
a final farewell echoes
into the mist

Carol Raisfeld
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

levee break —
Bad River's harmonica
moans the blues

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

Very real! I can almost smell NOLA.

in the window
jangle of guitar

Jacek M.
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

dark clouds
over the front range —
distant drumming

Jeff Hanson
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

Vision and sound blended in perfect harmony.

when Johnny comes
home again —
the beat of the drum

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

morning sunlight
through the mangoes
a ukulele

Josh Wikoff
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

wife's labor pains —
across the room
his cello groans

Leslie Montgomery
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

estate dispersal:
my brother picks Dad's guitar
and we try to laugh

(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

old age home —
a rusted harmonica
litters the lawn

Mary Davila
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

the rat climbs
out of his cage
ukulele tune

Myron Lysenko
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

round tuba tones,
nearly as round
as the player

Paul O. Williams
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

waning moon —
a harmonica glints
through the smoke haze

Ron Moss
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

This is lovely. I can vividly see the glint and hear that harmonica wailing through the campfire smoke.

bassoon lessons —
young geese call to each other,
running on the lake

Shelley Krause
(0,0,3) = 3 Pts

Hermitage in mountains...
ring of bells filling up
the valley

Vasile Moldovan
(0,1,1) = 3 Pts

General Comments: I liked this free format topic a lot. It was very relaxing to read the haiku and 'listen' to them at the same time.

This time it was very difficult choice - so many good poems!

#128 and 136 were excellent, except that as I understood the rules, a specific musical instrument had to be there. "Taps" may imply a bugle or drum, but I think it has to be mentioned. In 128 a piano piece and the pianist are mentioned, but not the piano.

Les Adieux...
the pianist fixing eyes
on nothing

136. not a specific instrument; have to check the rules- I read it as the bugle has to be mentioned.

summer camp
muffled giggles
after taps

Many beautiful entries, but not enough points to go around!

Thank you all for participating in the May 2008 Shiki Monthly Kukai. We will open the June 2008 Kukai to submissions on or about Monday, June 2nd.

With much appreciation,

Robert Bauer, Secretary
Gary Warner, Web Host

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