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The Shiki Monthly Kukai

December 2007 Kukai

Dear Haiku Friends,

Here are the results for the December 2007 Kukai, wherein our Kigo subject was "Narcissus" and our Free Format subject was "Cheese".

Congratulations to Israel Lopez Balan, winner of our Kigo section and to George Hawkins, winner of our Free Format section!

In the kigo section this month, we had one entry in which the poet employed allusion, referencing the very famous Nick Virgilio "Lily" haiku:

out of the water...
out of itself.

N. Virgilio, 1985

We understand that the use of allusion in haiku can be tricky business and received one poet's expressed concern that this attempt crossed the line. Robert and I felt the poem was so well-known that the allusion would be obvious and so let it stand. Interestingly, I queried a few poets who voted for this poem and only one knew it referred to the original poem. A bit of a dilemma since the submitting poet hadn't intended anyone to mistake his work as original. It has been a learning lesson. For those of you not familiar with the late Mr. Virgilio, a master American poet, here are two places to visit:



The haiku are listed in order of total points received from voters. The numbers reflect the number of voters who gave the haiku either three points, two points, or one point -- followed by the total points for all votes.

Those who were given less than three points and who requested anonymity in such a case are so noted.

In the listing below, after each poem the author is listed, and then a three digit code revealing how many 3-point, 2-point, and 1-point points were cast for this poem by the other participating poets.

(214 = 12) would indicate that the poem above received two 3-point votes, one 2-point vote, and four 1-point votes.

December 2007 Results
Kigo Theme:
Free Format Theme:

First Place -- 20 points
migrating birds -
the waving field
of narcissus

Israel Lopez Balan
(0,5,10) = 20 pts

A lovely image-(the artist)Escher-like.

Second Place -- 19 pts
narcissus . . .
stars turning
to snow

Francine Banwarth
(0,7,5) = 19 pts

Third Place -- 16 pts
into the water,
into itself:

josh wikoff
(2,2,6) = 16 pts

...thought it was a clever "reflection" of the original piece. I felt whoever wrote it really twisted the kigo word in a unique way...

new snow . . .
her footprints lead
to the narcissus

Susan Constable
(0,4,8) = 16 pts

15 points
first narcissus . . .
the toddler meets
his baby sister

Carole MacRury
(0,4,7) = 15 pts

14 points
caught in the mirror —
the December moon
and white narcissus

(2,1,6) = 14 pts

13 points
A narcissus
in her black hair…
first snow

Magdalena Dale
(1,1,8) = 13 pts

12 points
second frost
mother and narcissus
burying both

Bill Hudson
(3,0,3) = 12 pts

in her palm
narcissus bulbs
such yearning

Ruth Powell
(0,5,2) = 12 pts

Good haiku use physical images to evoke feelings. Nice contrast of the open palm and round bulbs; a yearning for what? spring, growth, love?

bright koi glide
below the narcissus

Rose Marie Stutts, EdD
(0,3,6) = 12 pts

I like the beautiful visuals, the colors of koi and narcissus and the allusion (only) to the myth.

bending down
to sniff the narcissus
thinking about himself

Neil Muscott
(0,3,6) = 12 pts

11 points
by the water
narcissus touches
its reflection

Gosia Zamorska
(1,3,2) = 11 pts

10 points
the northern star
and the sun hibernating
in a narcissus

Anne Lind
(1,2,3) = 10 pts

paper narcissus —
morning light shines through
one petal

Marylouise Knight
(0,3,4) = 10 pts

my gift
of forced narcissus . . .
waiting for your smile

Bill Kenney
(0,1,8) = 10 pts

9 points
old photo —
grandmother in the garden
surrounded by narcissus

Ivana Vanja Nikovic
(1,2,2) = 9 pts

in the snowdrift
a narcissus

Vasile Moldovan
(1,1,4) = 9 pts

budding narcissus
line the windowsill

tom painting
(0,2,5) = 9 pts

winter's longest night —
sweet narcissus
keeping her company

Leslie Montgomery
(0,1,7) = 9 pts

8 points
in the rain puddle

Bridget Cougar
(1,1,3) = 8 pts

a wild narcissus!
the lingering excitement
in the echo's voice

Zhanna P. Rader
(0,3,2) = 8 pts

in the hand of a girl
a white narcissus

Don Basilio
(0,2,4) = 8 pts

reflecting pool
double blooms of narcissus
above the mist

(0,1,6) = 8 pts

7 points
winter chill . . .
she plants narcissus
in a festive red pot

Carol Raisfeld*
(0,3,1) = 7 pts

in winter darkness
just for the scent of it —
forced narcissus

Mary Lee McClure
(0,1,5) = 7 pts

narcissus in bloom
he tilts his Santa hat
and winks at himself

Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,1,5) = 7 pts

A fresh playful take on being a little too full of one’s self.

6 points
on the catalog’s cover —
my red fingernails

(1,1,1) = 6 pts

I like the subtle story here: her catalogue is wishful thinking, her painted nails do not garden.

winter sun —
on fading narcissus
the last rays

Jordi Climent
(0,2,2) = 6 pts

second date
narcissus bulb

(0,1,4) = 6 pts

5 points
three weeks later
six narcissus bulbs
still in the sack

(1,0,2) = 5 pts

snow thaw —
first bended narcissus
lifts its head

Tom Maretic
(1,0,2) = 5 pts

lake echoes...
the ecstasy of
a narcissus touch

Rita Odeh
(0,2,1) = 5 pts

ice drops on
the narcissus bloom
the cat sleeping by the fire

Sjs (Stevie)
(0,2,1) = 5 pts

gone like her
the narcissus painting
in the gallery window

john tiong chunghoo
(0,2,1) = 5 pts

in yellowed herbarium
just the name

Dorota Pyra
(0,1,3) = 5 pts

the persistent yellow
of narcissus blossoms

ed markowski
(0,1,3) = 5 pts

a distant voice...
narcissus bulbs lie
beneath the birdbath

(0,0,5) = 5 pts

sunny spell
he buys a narcissus
for himself

Petar Tchouhov
(0,0,5) = 5 pts

rimy windowpane
in the breath of hot tea
painted narcissus

Boris Nazansky
(0,0,5) = 5 pts

bent narcissus —
how many bloom
with faces hidden

George Hawkins
(0,0,5) = 5 pts

4 points
Easter drizzle
the faded narcissuses
raise their heads

Jacek M.
(0,1,2) = 4 pts

on stage
young ballerinas' first dance ~
a narcissus blooms

tish davis
(0,1,2) = 4 pts

My experience also, children dancing ballet can resemble flowers.

between narcissus
and the snow
frost blossoms

Ann K. Schwader
(0,1,2) = 4 pts

his window, the reflection
of a narcissus

Ed S
(0,1,2) = 4 pts

somehow draped
with tinsel

Beth Powell
(0,0,4) = 4 pts

wind blown
making a snow angel
a narcissus

Terra Martin
(0,0,4) = 4 pts

window frost
the white narcissus opens
for Christmas

Irene Golas
(0,0,4) = 4 pts

3 points
another gray day
narcissus bulbs dormant
under mounds of snow

Jeanne Jorgensen
(1,0,0) = 3 pts

mid-day sun
melting the ice
Narcissus weeps

Pris Campbell
(0,1,1) = 3 pts

the water mirror
leaves Autumn to Narcissus
 —our barren Cedar

Jared Kubokawa, ALT Ehime-ken
(0,1,1) = 3 pts

white narcissus —
she never arrives

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

nursery class —
the girl sings to
a narcissus

Charishma Ramchandani
(0,0,3) = 3 pts

a bee clambers
into its trumpet

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

Narcissi produced some fine poems. They seem so naturally poetic, so white, so out of season (so to speak), so fragrant.

What a gift, to get to read so many fine & fun haiku - thank you!

First Place -- 31 pts
waning year
the cheese ball
changes shape

George Hawkins
(1,9,10) = 31 pts

Second Place -- 27 pts
winter moon
i carve a wedge
of camembert

Beth Powell
(0,6,15) = 27 pts

A wonderful and stark comparison.

Third Place -- 23 pts
divorce over —
she changes the cheese
in the mousetrap

Petar Tchouhov
(2,4,9) = 23 pts

Good use of ambiguity, what mouse is she trying to catch?

21 points
snowbound . . .
paring the mold
off an old cheese

Carole MacRury
(2,2,11) = 21 pts

18 points
moon shadow
the little gray mouse
edges toward the cheese

Ben Gieske
(1,1,13) = 18 pts

17 points
Oh Moon! Why must you
look like a cheddar wheel
when I'm fasting?

Rose Marie Stutts, EdD
(2,3,5) = 17 pts

Humorously expands on the moon as cheese metaphor.

15 points
Trappist cheese
the farm resonates
in silent prayers

Audrey Downey
(2,2,5) = 15 pts

This haiku has great depth. I love the contrast between "resonates" and "silent". Beautiful!

deep winter:
the golden crust of cheese
on onion soup

Irene Golas
(2,1,7) = 15 pts

winter night —
we share cheesecake
between kisses

Ivana Vanja Nikovic
(1,2,8) = 15 pts

bridal shower —
the cheese tray
sweats a little

aom (tim)
(0,4,7) = 15 pts

14 points
crumbling the Roquefort
. . . it was just
a small white lie

Francine Banwarth
(0,4,6) = 14 pts

What a clever, ironic haiku!

13 points
unexpected guests
I serve them wine with cheese
bought for mousetraps

Karen Briggs
(1,1,8) = 13 pts

12 points
school lunch
the processed cheese
stands alone

tom painting
(0,1,10) = 12 pts

11 points
grated parmesan
on the spaghetti —
he loosens his tie

Alice Frampton
((0,3,5) = 11 pts

9 points
rising full moon —
my son wants holes in cheese
for supper

Gosia Zamorska
(0,3,3) = 9 pts

7 points
a bit of cheesecake
this holiday eve
short red skirt

Pris Campbell
(1,2,0) = 7 pts

Nice word play on cheesecake, simple, vivid image.

surprise blizzard
she grates Asiago
for leftover pasta

Catherine J.S. Lee
(0,2,3) = 7 pts

faculty pot luck
the chemistry teacher adds
a can of string cheese

ed markowski
(0,1,5) = 7 pts

last shovelful of snow —
a grilled cheese sandwich
and tomato soup

(0,1,5) = 7 pts

6 points
twilight reflection —
a wheel of Gouda cheese
caught in the wine glass

Marylouise Knight
(0,2,2) = 6pts

on our Christmas table —

Dejan Pavlinovic
(0,1,4) = 6 pts

supper gong
from room to room
the smell of cheddar

Jacek M.
(0,1,4) = 6 pts

wedding photo —
we were so happy
saying "cheese"

Gabriel Sawicki
(0,1,4) = 6 pts

5 points
Three brown mice
caught red-handed on my Stilton Blue
A real Fromage a Trois

Jon Espen Vassbotn
(1,1,0) = 5 pts

wintry mix
sprinkling parmesan
over the stew

Bill Kenney
(1,0,2) = 5 pts

eating cheese —
later a cow moos
deep inside me

Neil Muscott
(0,1,3) = 5 pts

love confession —
how quick cheese melts
on the pizza..!

(0,0,5) = 5 pts

behind the camera
I say ‘Camembert’
my son’s smile

Cherie Hunter Day
(0,0,5) = 5 pts

St. Nicholas...
she feeds her pet mouse
a cheese cube

Ella Wagemakers
(0,0,5) = 5 pts

4 points
candlelight dinner in Rome
her lover's sexy accent —

Leslie Montgomery
(1,0,1) = 4 pts

like swiss

john tiong chunghoo
(1,0,1) = 4 pts

contented cows
grazing in the field —
California cheese

Nancy Nitrio
(0,1,2) = 4 pts

birthday party
hot mozzarella pizza
strings across the table

Carmel Lively Westerman
(0,1,2) = 4 pts

fireside chat —
the warm afterglow
of our raclette

Isabelle Prondzynski
(0,1,2) = 4 pts

class photo
the cheese on each face
so fresh

(0,1,2) = 4 pts

3 points
ignoring the trap
until we put in french cheese —
gourmet mouse

Marlène Buitelaar
(1,0,0) = 3 pts

Idle afternoon —
the grass sprinkled with
feta crumbs

(0,1,1) = 3 pts

first snow
a tub of fromage blanc
full of white

Dorota Pyra
(0,1,1) = 3 pts

getting healthy —
one cheeseburger
instead of two

Carol Raisfeld
(0,1,1) = 3 pts

not a crumb
of Stilton left —
New Year's

Ann K. Schwader
(0,1,1) = 3 pts

cheese hors d'oeuvres
the family portrait
on the wall

Sjs (Stevie)
(0,1,1) = 3 pts

After Christmas dinner
strong scent of Denmark
with the Port

Angelika Kolompar Bygott
(0,0,3) = 3 pts

In an Italian park
a Gipsy boy eating
Dutch cheese

Don Basilio
(0,0,3) = 3 pts

socks taken off —
this spreading smell
of Gorgonzola

Tom Maretic
(0,0,3) = 3 pts

today's special ~
limburger wedge
on a mousetrap

Ed S
(0,0,3) = 3 pts

snow day —
cubes of cheddar cheese
in hot tomato soup

(0,0,3) = 3 pts

Cheese seems more of a source of metaphor than I had realized--as well as humor. No one, thank goodness, though, wrote about the moon made of green cheese.

Thank you all for participating in the Shiki Monthly Kukai. We will open the January 2008 kukai to submissions on Monday, January 7th. We wish everyone a wonderful New Years Day!

With much appreciation,

Robert and Jennie, co-secretaries
Gary Warner, web host

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