The Shiki Monthly Kukai January 2008 Kukai Dear Haiku Friends, Here are the results for the January 2008 Kukai, wherein our Kigo subject was "PLUM" and our Free Format word or phrase was "Short Days". Congratulations to Audrey Downey, winner of our Kigo section and to Frances McCarthy, winner of our Free Format section! The haiku are listed in order of total points received from voters. The numbers reflect the number of voters who gave the haiku either three points, two points, or one point -- followed by the total points for all votes. Those who were given less than three points and who requested anonymity in such a case are so noted. In the listing below, after each poem the author is listed, and then a three digit code revealing how many 3-point, 2-point, and 1-point points were cast for this poem by the other participating poets. (214 = 12) would indicate that the poem above received two 3-point votes, one 2-point vote, and four 1-point votes. January 2008 Results Kigo Theme: Plum Free Format Theme: Short Days First Place -- 42 points ink brush so many ways to draw a plum blossom Audrey Downey (3,8,17) = 42 pts The moment just before the beginning, full of uncertainties and possibilities. Second Place -- 27 points into winter ~ the empty plum tree and I Paul Hodder (0,7,13) = 27 pts I love the stark simplicity of this one. The plum tree and the haijin coincide, but each with a hope for future blossom? Third Place -- 22 points plum pudding an old friend warms a cold night Jo McInerney (1,4,11) = 22 pts 21 points deep winter — breaking the seal on a jar of plum jam tom painting (1,3,12) = 21 pts A strong moment. I would have scored it higher if line 1 had been line 3, but that's probably just me. I like the tension between the "locked in" feeling of deep winter and the breaking of the seal. Nice evocation of scent without "telling". There were several last jars of plum jam but this one captures a sense of how we try to seal ourselves away from the winter season. 16 points all that remains of the tree by my gate this pickled plum Barbara Snow (1,1,11) = 16 pts 13 points plum branches in bloom . . . baby's first kick Alice Frampton (0,3,7) = 13 pts 12 points three year drought the scream of a chainsaw in the plum orchard Edward (1,2,5) = 12 pts `Scream' is an evocative word and well-placed here. I'm not sure that the season is clear as a dead tree can be cut at any time of the year. Still it's a strong seasonless haiku. 11 points winter wind blowing away thoughts of plum blossom Jon Baldwin (2,0,5) = 11 pts One of those times when season and weather don't coincide, we've all shared this dashed hope of spring. window light the dancing edges of still-life plums George Hawkins (0,4,3) = 11 pts evening breeze … plum petals flee the Buddha's ear Carol Raisfeld (0,1,9) = 11 pts An interesting (if slightly forced) image, as I don't see why the 'ear' more than any other body part, or in fact what cause to 'flee' the Buddha at all as they actually would 'sail past' wouldn't they? 10 points a sparrow flock settles upon gray limbs-- plum's winter leaves Sherry Weaver Smith (1,1,5) = 10 pts plum kimono worn bravely against white mornings Ruth Powell (0,4,2) = 10 pts ice storm: the builder's plum-line still in mid               s                w                  i                   n                     g Ron Moss (0,3,4) = 10 pts 9 points plum pudding on her new Christmas apron the first purple stain bre:^) (1,2,2) = 9 pts the taste of sour plum a spring later — no regrets Elena Naskova (1,1,4) = 9 pts Tells a story which the reader can only guess. I like the bitter- sweet taste of that story. dreams dangling from bare branches plum blossoms Judith Gorgone (0,2,5) = 9 pts 8 points fruit vendor — throws a plum at a stray dog Kala Ramesh (1,2,1) = 8 pts snowed in — a dob of plum jam on each pancake Susan Constable (1,0,5) = 8 pts tumbling in rain plum blossom Roberta Beary (0,3,2) = 8 pts fresh plums the way she rubs the sheen off RaV (0,3,2) = 8 pts snowbound slowly spreading plum jam with my father's knife Petar Tchouhov (0,3,2) = 8 pts plum-blossom petals stippling the silent pond chilly rain Catherine J.S. Lee (0,1,6) = 8 pts blossoming plum baby girl lifts her skirt to dance john tiong chunghoo (0,1,6) = 8 pts This one rests solidly on the symbolic relationship between blossoms and human feminine childhood as well on the visual likeness of a blossom to a skirt. 7 points droning teacher… students' eyes focus on plum blossoms Nancy Smith (1,1,2) = 7 pts this is just to say the plums in the icebox are for breakfast Bill Kenney (0,2,3) = 7 pts on her lips plum-flavored lipstick … winter evening Ella Wagemakers (0,1,5) = 7 pts That'll take your mind off the cold. Taste the color. overripe plum — another phone call unanswered Laurene (0,1,5) = 7 pts 6 points ice in the plum trees she's out there talking to the stars Francine Banwarth (1,0,3) = 6 pts art class — picking the right plum for a nipple ash of moth (0,2,2) = 6 pts Art = nature + artifice. budding plum blossoms first ikebana arrangement of the New Year Nancy Nitrio (0,1,4) = 6 pts Though I didn't consider actual plum blossom to be quite appropriate for this season - according to Bill Higginson "looking for plum blossom" is the early spring kigo - this budding branch is especially brought indoors to force into bloom for a New Year arrangement. This makes it a rare delight. branches bowing low - the weight of ripe plums Pia Sosua (0,1,4) = 6 pts dusty sunset — the hawker's wheelbarrow still full of red plums Patrick (0,1,4) = 6 pts last jar of mother's plum jelly morning snow Ann K. Schwader (0,0,6) = 6 pts 5 points old garden with flowering plum tree … scent of spring Jacek M. (0,2,1) = 5 pts dried plums I rest with a hand on my belly Meredith Stern Cavalieri (0,2,1) = 5 pts plum sauce — the last eggroll shared Mike Montreuil (0,1,3) = 5 pts the plum's curve fits my palm — her chilling words Michael Dylan Welch (0,1,3) = 5 pts The thought of a plum to throw is so strong for me here I wish that L3 were first to give it a logically linear thrust. Even though cause and effect are not to be sought or explained in haiku, I feel they can sometimes be used to advantage. 4 points picking plums her dress the very same shade kawazu (1,0,1) = 4 pts my dog's nose glows in the dark — into that plum jam again! Pris Campbell (1,0,1) = 4 pts plum pudding the cosiness of my unborn child Katrina Shepherd (0,1,2) = 4 pts ray of light through plum wine stained glass me (0,1,2) = 4 pts side by side two plums, one bitter one sweet Neil Muscott (0,1,2) = 4 pts in spite of its name the old plum tree not nearly vertical Paul O. Williams (0,1,2) = 4 pts I like the ingenuity of this one but think it would be better to break L2 after 'tree'. forgotten Christmas lights plum tree branches continue to shine Harvey Jenkins (0,0,4) = 4 pts beautiful neighbor a taste of ripe plums in her orchard Norsto (0,0,4) = 4 pts 3 points for the new owner bearing fruit for the first time my little plum tree marlène Buitelaar (1,0,0) = 3 pts snow day — there's the plum tree at the bus stop Ami (1,0,0) = 3 pts winter plum under its branches she stands tall Beth Powell (0,1,1) = 3 pts granny passed away mold on plum jam surface reflects moonlight Boris Nazansky (0,1,1) = 3 pts December beach the last bits of flesh from a plum stone paul m. (0,1,1) = 3 pts tiny plum buds on leafless stems lost in heavy freeze Jim Applegate (0,1,1) = 3 pts winterstorm — the place of a plum stone under the snow Li Ree (0,1,1) = 3 pts plum wine our guests order a third citygirl (0,1,1) = 3 pts village in the hills… the vendor gives me a plum to taste K. Ramesh (0,1,1) = 3 pts From this one moment I can imagine the whole travel experience myself. Well done! plums fall from the tree … purple rain Mary Davila (0,1,1) = 3 pts new plum-brandy — the host doesn't reveal all his secrets Tom Maretic (0,0,3) = 3 pts making plum jam — two stems and a leaf are well cooked too Isabelle Prondzynski (0,0,3) = 3 pts This is sweet in its specificity. I like it when the poet can bring humor to the piece without straying into senryu territory. Comments in general: discovering among the plums William's poem So many good ones to choose from this month! First Place -- 43 points afternoon tea dusk settling softly into corners Frances McCarthy (3,11,12) = 43 pts I like the way tea time and waning light both work 'softly' to relax the time of day and tea takers. A beauty! This one feels as though early dusk foreshadows the drawing closer of the end of life. Captures the essence of a moment: subtle and complex. Second Place -- 28 points winter day the candle burned flat w. f. owen (2,6,10) = 28 pts Topic and format in harmony. The haiku format I call "One Breath" is perfect for the 'short day' theme. winter day — the paperboy one house ahead of dusk Irene Golas (1,3,19) = 28 pts Again we have a sense of fleeing from the oncoming dark. L1 is possibly a bit 'throw away' as the time and season are carried in L2 and L3. L1 might be used to say something else. A glimpse of the human condition: one house ahead of the dusk is about the best any of us can do. I like the phrasing at the end of this. Of course, there aren't too many afternoon newspapers left in the world. Third Place -- 26 points crushed between two nights — winter day Dejan Pavlinovic (2,5,10) = 26 pts 18 points the talk we had to have ~ early dusk Paul Hodder (2,3,6) = 18 pts afternoon coffee scrap of the moon in my cup Norsto (1,4,7) = 18 pts 17 points winter solstice — shadows chase children home from school bre:^) (1,1,12) = 17 pts Here shadows are almost personified though the metaphorical meaning is clear enough. Somehow for me it reads somewhat amusingly: get those little scamps off the street and home for their homework and supper. Not so much temptation to linger when it's cold and dark. 13 points 5 o'clock shadow night swallows the barberpole Roberta Beary (1,2,6) = 13 pts 12 points he sleeps the cancer moved to his brain shorter days kawazu (2,3,0) = 12 pts chill morning the walk to work under street lights Bill Hudson (1,1,7) = 12 pts 11 points framing daylight the comings and goings of winter crows tom painting (0,1,9) = 11 pts skiing home shadows lengthen across the trail Beth Powell (0,2,7) = 11 pts Light, shadow, movement powerfully fused. sunlight at last an ice flower blooms on the windowpane RaV (0,2,7) = 11 pts This one grew on me... I came back to it and appreciated it more the second time. Slow blooming. 10 points long night — I try to find my clothes among hers majka (1,2,3) = 10 pts how long this short day is! without you… Tanya Dikova (1,0,7) = 10 pts It's been said a million times, but that doesn't make it any less true, and this seems well said. 9 points early dusk my father puts on the jersey inside out Jacek M. (0,1,7) = 9 pts 8 points early dusk. . . an inch of snow on a half inch branch paul m. (1,2,1) = 8 pts This one is almost pleasantly sing-song in cadence as the snow doubles the girth of the branch. An interesting observation. winter blues the short day a cadence of jazz notes john tiong chunghoo (1,1,3) = 8 pts 7 points short days — a new get well card beside the bed Laurene (1,1,2) = 7 pts winter the geranium drops leaves on the window sill Carmel Lively Westerman (0,2,3) = 7 pts too late for sunset rush hour Bill Kenney (0,1,5) = 7 pts 6 points clocking out commuting home my face in the window Ben Gieske (1,1,1) = 6 pts Aging eyes loathe shorter days Yositaka (1,0,3) = 6 pts first-term exams — waiting in the dark for her school bus Susan Constable (1,0,3) = 6 pts never seeing the light of day - January rain Mike Montreuil (0,2,2) = 6 pts early darkness . . . the candle will not last the night Carol Raisfeld (0,2,2) = 6 pts houseplants each leaf turned to the winter light Neil Muscott (0,1,4) = 6 pts Plants making the most of whatever light they can absorb. Though they do this any season we especially notice it on short days, and this could also be leaves turning toward artificial light after sundown. shorter days the electric bill is growing… Sjs (0,1,4) = 6 pts 5 points Christmas break over first graders play flashlight tag at the school bus stop Edward (1,1,0) = 5 pts the buddha's shadow fades at the stroke of four chilly afternoon Pris Campbell (1,1,0) = 5 pts dusk again… the shutters remain shut Helen Buckingham (1,0,2) = 5 pts watercolourhours a pair of swans erase the horizon Jon Espen Vassbotn (0,2,1) = 5 pts tiptoeing in high heels my new sweater inside out Terra Martin (0,2,1) = 5 pts toiling away whenever I look up — the moon miriam chaikin (0,1,3) = 5 pts fleeting sunset the snow and I steal color George Hawkins (0,1,3) = 5 pts morning coffee — a sheer darkness of the window glass Kala Ramesh (0,1,3) = 5 pts 4 points afternoon stroll — walking into the sunset Pia Sosua (0,1,2) = 4 pts home from school — spinning a bike wheel in the shed Beverley George (0,1,2) = 4 pts dark morning — boys go single file through the snow Marylouise Knight (0,1,2) = 4 pts Another suggestive image: that line goes on and on. frigid dawn the sun and I both linger in bed MJHill (0,1,2) = 4 pts shorter days the scent of smoke in my grandson's hair Jerzy Malysz (0,0,4) = 4 pts Another pleasant entry. For me the season here is more that of fall when leaves are burnt though it's possible that the wind may have swept chimney smoke across the boy at another time of coldness. It has a pleasant rhythm. short days — the way home the same miorita (0,0,4) = 4 pts 3 points unsnowy day — kids play hide and seek hiding in the twilight Dorota Pyra (1,0,0) = 3 pts sunset long before dinner … I take a nap Ella Wagemakers (0,1,1) = 3 pts morning paper thuds into darkness driveway ice Ann K. Schwader (0,1,1) = 3 pts winter morning the new teacher's jacket just like her father's Petar Tchouhov (0,1,1) = 3 pts short winter romance — a dinner and then a breakfast in candlelight Elena Naskova (0,0,3) = 3 pts short day — contrail of a southbound jet still in sunlight Michael Dylan Welch (0,0,3) = 3 pts short days — longer night chats at the pub Tom Maretic (0,0,3) = 3 pts early dark carrying in the night's ration of wood Francine Banwarth (0,0,3) = 3 pts My woodpile had to last all winter, so I feel this rationing as a sense of potential warmth weighed against expected cold. The heaviness of the logs comes through. Comments in general: The best in this month's group are very good indeed. …some haiku really didn't convey to me what we were asked to express, so this becomes an opportunity for a learning experience for us all. Thank you all for participating in the January Shiki Monthly Kukai. We will open the February 2008 kukai to submissions on Monday, February 4th. 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