The Shiki Monthly Kukai June 2008 Kukai Dear Haiku Friends, Here are the results for the June 2008 Kukai, wherein our Kigo subject was "Sand" and our Free Format theme was "Secrets". Congratulations to Edward, winner of our Kigo section and to Tom Painting, winner of our Free Format section! The haiku are listed in order of total points received from voters. The numbers reflect the number of voters who gave the haiku either three points, two points, or one point -- followed by the total points for all votes. Those who were given less than three points and who requested anonymity in such a case are so noted. In the listing below, after each poem the author is listed, and then a three digit code revealing how many 3-point, 2-point, and 1-point points were cast for this poem by the other participating poets. (214 = 12) would indicate that the poem above received two 3-point votes, one 2-point vote, and four 1-point votes. Voters comments are in italics below the respective poems. June 2008 Results Kigo Theme: Sand Free Format Theme: Secrets First Place – 37 Points sand sculptures a mermaid slips back into the sea Edward (7,2,12) = 37 Pts. Well done! Second Place – 25 Points sandcastles... her youngest daughter calls me daddy Colin Stewart Jones (2,5,9) = 25 Pts. Love it! There is a whole touching story in this. A complex story most economically told. Third Place – 23 Points footprints... from sandcastle to sandcastle Jacek M. (1,6,8) = 23 Pts. Fourth Place – Twenty-two Points marking my place in last summer's book — beach sand Shelley Krause (0,5,12) = 22 Pts. My favorite among the entries that took time as their theme. It's been years since I read on the beach, but this brings it all back. Fifth Place – Eighteen Points the soup spoons begin to disappear sandbox season Ann K. Schwader (2,1,10) = 18 Pts. One of life’s many little mysteries. Well done. sand castles . . . she helps me fill the empty hours Francine Banwarth (1,4,7) = 18 Pts. cool sand ~ my footprint fills with Pacific Paul Hodder (1,3,9) = 18 Pts. Sixth Place – Seventeen Points after all these years sand still falls from the shell jean cully (0,4,9) = 17 Pts. Seventh Place – Fifteen Points white sand a child asks why I'm wearing shoes Bill Kenney (1,3,6) = 15 Pts. Eighth Place – Twelve Points white sand — the flip side of the sunbather Collin Barber (1,0,9) = 12 Pts. Funny! old sandals treading sand back to the shore Helen Buckingham (2,2,2) = 12 Pts. climbing the sand dunes one step forward two back Meggy (0,3,6) = 12 Pts. An amusing observation of a situation most of us have experienced. Well done. high summer . . . sands from Mongolia dust the vineyard Michael McClintock (1,2,5) = 12 Pts. Ninth Place – Eleven Points my footprints disappear in the wet sand — morning waves Israel Lopez Balan (1,2,4) = 11 Pts. sand ripples wave after wave after wave Melissa Spurr (1,2,4) = 11 Pts. What can I say? I tried to write this one and couldn't. Tenth Place – Ten Points end of summer the ribs of fishing boat half-buried in sand Kirsty Karkow (0,1,8) = 10 Pts. last day — waves take the sand from under my feet Joyce Clement (1,0,7) = 10 Pts. That's life... and death. Well done. A great pairing of inevitabilities, the ocean's waves and the end of vacation. Eleventh Place – Nine Points a day off — the ant carries another grain of sand Robert Naczas (1,2,2) = 9 Pts. Twelfth Place – Eighth Points sand in her spinach . . . again she dreams of the pearl Bill Pauly (0,2,4) = 8 Pts. under the broom memories of the beach Bill Hudson (1,1,3) = 8 Pts. open window... voices drift up from the sandbox Irene Golas (1,1,3) = 8 Pts. Thirteenth Place – Seven Points sandy shallows the sunlight ripples on the bottom RaV (0,1,5) = 7 Pts. looking back — my footprints on the sand disappear Gosia Zamorska (1,0,4) = 7 Pts. beyond the boardwalk ten thousand bird tracks on the sand Laurene (0,2,3) = 7 Pts. sand in my eyes... the pearls I dreamt have sunk back to sea bottom jet57 (1,1,2) = 7 Pts. A lovely metaphorical verse. I like it without quite seeing the seasonality, but still well done. the grit of sand between my toes . . . his gnawing words Mary Davila (1,0,4) = 7 Pts. tide is held within sandcastle moat— north star ARW (1,1,2) = 7 Pts. Fourteenth Place – Six Points On the Golden Sands your toes trying to write the first haiku Adina Enachescu (1,1,1) = 6 Pts. simmering sand the zigzag footprints of a beachcomber Audrey Downey (0,1,4) = 6 Pts. red roses where the white sands part Ben Gieske (0,2,2) = 6 Pts. I liked this simple observation. the wind from the sea moves the sand in my shadow helge t. (1,1,1) = 6 Pts. Hourglass — the last grain of sand drops Gautam Nadkarni (1,1,1) = 6 Pts. on the sand a statue of the Buddha and bullet holes haikugeert (0,2,2) = 6 Pts. a grain of sand in the oyster shell seven year itch Leah Ann Sullivan (1,1,1) = 6 Pts. feeling better the truant shakes sand from his shoes LeRoy Gorman (0,2,2) = 6 Pts. drifting sand erasing where people were Rose Marie Stutts (1,0,3) = 6 Pts. summer vacation slipping through fingers like sand the children growing todd eddy (0,0,6) = 6 Pts. Fifteenth Place – Five Points heat haze — the fry cook looks out over the boardwalk, over the sand aom (tim) (0,2,1) = 5 Pts. I wanted to award this a point. But 'over the sand' sounds tacked onto a finished poem in order to qualify. sand dollars scattered by the tide his leaving Beth Powell (0,0,5) = 5 Pts. The natural world may seem to come ‘unglued’ with a relationship lost. Well done. True summer sandwich: Ziploc-warmed peanut butter and jelly and sand Conrad Sienkiewicz (0,1,3) = 5 Pts. This doesn't scan perfectly, but absolutely captures something worth capturing. sandy beach — the murmur of footprints at sunset Dejan Pavlinovic (0,1,3) = 5 Pts. wave demolishing the sand castle – the child's cry miorita (0,2,1) = 5 Pts. sand clock... to see the beauty of each grain Rita Odeh (0,2,1) = 5 Pts. Sixteenth Place – Four Points short night~ the sand slips through the hourglass Apurva (0,0,4) = 4 Pts. beneath my bed a zen garden in a box spilled sand bre (0,2,0) = 4 Pts. hiding from June sun in dime-sized sand caves 1,000 new frogs Bridget Cougar (1,0,1) = 4 Pts. ebb tide — in the quiet of morning sand fleas scurry on Carol Raisfeld (0,1,2) = 4 Pts. Crowd on the sand — above the ocean only a seagull Constantin Stroe (0,1,2) = 4 Pts. My mind's eye rising as I read down this haiku... nice. morning mist — sand crab digs beneath the wet sand fedelmia (0,1,2) = 4 Pts. ebb tide sand the child jumps over a crab hole kala (1,0,1) = 4 Pts. lonely ramparts in the sinking sun — sand castle Linda Papanicolaou (1,0,1) = 4 Pts. The best version of the sandcastle cliche. two names in sand — our romance swept away by time and tide Mary Lee McClure (0,1,2) = 4 Pts. child at beach fills pail empties it, fills, empties —zen mind miriam chaikin (1,0,1) = 4 Pts. hungry, with a handful of sand ... the stars og_a (0,0,4) = 4 Pts. The more I read it, the more I like it. hurricane's eye the crunch of sand underfoot soji (0,1,2) = 4 Pts. Seventeenth Place – Three Points childhood sand beach under the only tree the day lingers Bruce Ross (0,1,1) = 3 Pts. beach weather from the washing machine the sound of sand frederick gier (0,0,3) = 3 Pts. left behind in the back seat — swimsuits and sand LGD (0,0,3) = 3 Pts. a trail of sand and bathing suits the bedroom Neil Muscott (0,1,1) = 3 Pts. powdered to sand ~ a life span Rebba (0,0,3) = 3 Pts. sunning on the beach the sand sticks to her oiled skin footprints by the chair Rebecca S. (0,1,1) = 3 Pts. early summer — stretching out in the sun sand for my pillow terrytip (0,1,1) = 3 Pts. First Place – Twenty-nine Points play therapy the jump rope in knots tom painting (4,3,11) = 29 Pts. Well done to show us there is a secret instead of telling us. I saw that distinction as the key to what I wanted to vote for. Second Place – Twenty-seven Points spring thunder I promise not to tell her mother Bill Kenney (0,6,15) = 27 Pts. An excellent haiku! And an intriguing/noteworthy juxtaposition of thunder and mother. Third place – Twenty-three Points just when I'd almost forgotten wild roses Ann K. Schwader (0,4,15) = 23 Pts. Recalling nostalgically, from an 'age of wisdom’ the poet's youthful 'walk on the wild side? Well crafted and one of those few one-sentence haiku that succeed. Fourth Place – Twenty-one Points face down on the end table my wife's diary Neil Muscott (0,6,9) = 21 Pts. “face down" really makes this powerful. How much weaker this would have been in the third person. Question: If he reads her diary, will this be recorded in his diary? The tension of this moment is heightened through careful word choice... "down" and "end" both quietly foreshadowing a not-so-happy outcome, at least for this reader. Fifth Place – Fifteen Points missing sandwich the scent of onions on the dog's breath Melissa Spurr (2,2,5) = 15 Pts. Unusually successful for a one-sentence haiku, plus I'm a sucker for anything 'dog'. Sixth Place – Fourteen Points their wedding photo — bride's eyes fixed on the torn edge Gosia Zamorska (1,4,3) = 14 Pts. Seventh Place – Thirteen Points third postcard — he says nothing about her jill (2,0,7) = 13 Pts. Of all the haiku focused on the secrets of omission, this one stayed in my mind the longest. Eighth Place – Twelve Points after her death a shoebox full of secrets Meggy (0,2,8) = 12 Pts. 3 a.m. darkness he steps on the dog's squeak toy soji (0,1,10) = 12 Pts. Got my vote, but dropping the word "darkness" would have made it even better. Ninth Place – Eleven Points sweet sixteen how cool the summer sand at midnight Laurene (1,0,8) = 11 Pts. my smile at him while I write words in the water Li Ree (0,2,7) = 11 Pts. when the old gate in the garden squeaks ... she lifts her head Tomislav M. (0,3,5) = 11 Pts. Tenth Place – Ten Points eyelash moon ~ the way she looks away Paul Hodder (0,2,6) = 10 Pts. Eleventh Place – Nine Points telling nobody where we hid the firecrackers — the cat and I Zhanna P. Rader (0,2,5) = 9 Pts. whispered secrets the dapple-grey pony twitches her ear sheila windsor (1,1,4) = 9 Pts. I can see this so clearly! And it’s nice to have secrets that aren't freighted with negative baggage. schoolyard huddle the facts of life revealed Meredith Stern Cavalieri (1,3,0) = 9 Pts. her secrets lost in the fog – autumn chill Mary Davila (0,3,3) =9 Pts. peeking moon – he washes away her trace Elena Naskova (0,1,7) = 9 Pts. So economical, and terrific use of "peeking". wheat field — only two ears reveal the deer's location cindy bene (0,3,3) = 9 Pts. A vision most of us have seen, at least in pictures, but well done. quiet child her whispers only for teddy Beth Powell (0,2,5) = 9 Pts. Having been one of those, I find this evocative. An aspect of childhood precisely caught. I generally hate kiddie-ku. This and #60 were very similar in concept and wording. The difference is that #59 shows us a child with a secret while #60 explicitly tells us that there is a secret-- even using the word. her birthday — a melted chocolate bar in my pocket Barbara Campitelli (1,1,4) = 9 Pts. Twelfth Place – Eighth Points memoirs— the childhood never talked about Carolyn (0,1,6) = 8 Pts. Who we used to be and who we've become. A trenchant social observation. in my empty room an unexpected gift — the scent of her perfume Jacek M. (0,1,6) = 8 Pts. when the cook has left the kitchen . . . cookies Kirsty Karkow (0,1,6) = 8 Pts. This is maybe more about sneakiness than a secret, but it made me smile. I wait on the steps at dusk . . . the wind in the trees Marylouise Knight (1,1,3) = 8 Pts. Thirteenth Place – Seven Points business trip from the laundry falls a used condom andrea (1,1,2) = 7 Pts. The cell phone rings her hand covers the number deep intake of breathe Angelika Kolompar (1,1,2) = 7 Pts. at his wake — who is the gorgeous blond in the big black hat? Betty Kaplan (0,2,3) = 7 Pts. the depths of stars all those nights when mother was asleep Collin Barber (0,1,5) = 7 Pts. Everyone's adolescence. a stranger's letter tucked under her family recipe for moon cakes Francine Banwarth (0,1,5) = 7 Pts. a shadow falls across a backlit curtain then another gourdman (0,2,3) = 7 Pts. late spring moon — my neighbours turn off the lights Israel Lopez Balan (0,1,5) = 7 Pts. Fourteenth Place – Six Points missing candy – a child-shaped lump behind the drapes Nancy Smith (1,1,1) = 6 Pts. Derivative from the kukai example, but with humorous wording to make up for it. high tide hissing                        in and out . . . practicing his whispers Bill Pauly (0,2,2) = 6 Pts. closed eyes reading the night skies with your fingertips Jon Espen Vassbotn (0,2,2) = 6 Pts. NO GIRLS ALLOWED — what goes on behind the closed door? yositaka (0,1,4) = 6 Pts. Fifteenth Place – Five Points dawn — on her pillow a note Jon Baldwin (0,1,3) = 5 Pts. father's day — a tiny fistful of something that still squeaks Lin Geary (0,1,3) = 5 Pts. Ha! I don't even want to think about it! light spilling through the keyhole — someone giggles Linda Papanicolaou (0,0,5) = 5 Pts. pine cone... distant memories crumble in my pocket manoj saranathan (0,1,3) = 5 Pts. bush cherries all gone — and I never even saw the birds Paul O. Williams (0,1,3) = 5 Pts. graveyard - so many secrets buried Robert Naczas (0,1,3) = 5 Pts. Sixteenth Place – Four Points 70th birthday he buys himself a motorcycle Audrey Downey (0,1,2) = 4 Pts. first confession she whispers her secret sin to the priest carmel lively westerman (0,2,0) = 4 Pts. class reunion — his old room mate Phillip now answers to Phyllis Carol Raisfeld (0,0,4) = 4 Pts. our secret place — the moment ruined by a bee Mary Lee McClure (0,1,4) = 6 Pts. for having secrets you need a good memory and that I don't have emile molhuysen (1,0,1) = 4 Pts. in sleepless eyes the shadow of recent tears; "nothing" she says frederick gier (0,0,4) = 4 Pts. after all these years finding out daddy's real name — the family secret Hazel A. Witherspoon (0,2,0) = 4 Pts. watching Saturn I remember that night long long ago Jeff Hanson (0,1,2) = 4 Pts. opening the book to the page where she screamed –– crushed spider jet57 (0,0,4) = 4 Pts. holes in my yard in the next block a man plants lavender roses Rose Marie Stutts (0,1,2) = 4 Pts. Seventeenth Place – Three Points between the pages of the yard-sale romance a ten dollar bill Barbara Snow (0,1,1) = 3 Pts. my hushed tone tightening her grip — high-tide mark Colin Stewart Jones (1,0,0) = 3 Pts. Once in a blue moon Cupid shooting an arrow into a bowman's heart. Daniela Bullas (0,1,1) = 3 Pts. high school parking lot the new kid flips an ice pick into the dumpster Edward (0,1,1) = 3 Pts. lost diary key I wish I could remember what I wrote Jo McInerney (0,0,3) = 3 Pts. stones skim with big leaps on the lake he has a secret haikugeert (0,0,3) = 3 Pts. The first time I read this, I thought that the big leaps were the result of strong, emotion-fueled throws... thereby allowing the watcher to think about a secret underneath. Then I thought that maybe the secret is simply the secret to great stone skipping. I liked it both ways. afterglow the secrets she told me waiting for the stars RaV (0,0,3) = 3 Pts. young, teenage love only the cottonwoods whispering secrets todd eddy (0,0,3) = 3 Pts. General Comments: Intriguing topic. I have been introduced to a new aspect of haiku. There were a lot of good senryu here, but I had to stop and think, because many were evocative private memories and not really of the universal way we keep secrets. I may have misread or misunderstood the concept here, but any of the haiku that had the word "secret/s" was automatically nixed. It certainly made the selection process easier. #38 got my 3 pt vote for humor, originality, and according to a story my Mom used to tell, I got caught with green onions on my breath when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I'd been playing outside in the garden. When she called me in and started washing me up she said, "Gary, you've been eating onions!" I said, utterly surprised, "How did you know?" Moms know everything. Thank you all for participating in the June 2008 Shiki Monthly Kukai. We will open the July 2008 Kukai to submissions on or about Monday, July 7th. With much appreciation, Robert Bauer, Secretary Gary Warner, Web Host Participate in the Shiki Monthly Kukai by choosing a link below How it Works Most Recent Results Current Kukai Topics Kukai Archives An explanation of how the kukai functions. The results of our most recent month! Click here to learn about THIS month's kukai. Previous month's results.